Have you ever just been sitting alone in your room when reality just kinda stabs you in all the right places? It makes you think, doesn't it?"Is this real? Is this actually happening in my life?" I ask myself. I know, though, that of course this is really happening. I'm not dreaming, and I don't need a good pinching to figure that out. Sometimes I feel like if I just went back home for a weekend, I'd still see her sitting in her old, comfy recliner watching something on the food network channel, maybe making something with all of her jewelry supplies. Its during that thought that I remember watching her take her last breath... And it feels almost like that was a really bad nightmare and life just continued after I woke up. I realize, however that this isn't the case, unfortunately, and that no matter how much I wish it was, she won't be there waiting for me at home. Waiting to meet my fiance, and to tell me how I'm so young and we should wait a while. The reality of it, is that no matter what we will have to wait, because something will be in the way like funding, or locations being booked on the day we needed them to be not booked. Though, as a mom, she'd give the same speeches anyway. After all, it would be her job.
No, the reality is harsh, and sometimes, just thinking about the reality of life as it stands makes me cringe, have goosebumps or just flat out more depressed than I want to be. I feel like I'm the luckiest woman, though. I have an amazing fiance who supports me and loves me unconditionally, and his family who seems to do the same. I'm lucky to be where I am today. Honestly, I feel had I not come here, I wouldn't be alive today, so for that I'm thankful. We're not at Thanksgiving quite yet, but I'll keep this in mind when telling everything I'm thankful for this year. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food in my tummy, and while sometimes money is tight, and things are hard around here, we always make it through. We wouldn't had we not been so lucky these last couple of months.
I'm truly greatful to my mom for having raised me as such, and while I don't ever admit it, a smart and healthy girl. I'd not be here without her. She guides me every day, I believe that.
People say that... When you lose someone you love life is never the same. They're partially right. The part of your life that they were in will never be the same. Not ever. But all of the other parts of life you create with your partner, your friends and other family, your kids and pets... Those parts. They will be just as grand as if you'd had your lost one with you. Because your lost loved one is always with you in your heart, and that is what makes it truly and honestly... Grand.
Friday, September 26, 2014
Sunday, August 18, 2013
So, Momma died and a lot of other things, too.
Most of you who have read any of my blogs know that a lot has happened to me throughout the last year.
Lets do a recap, just since a lot more has changed.
The week before the fourth of July, my mother had an attempt at placing a stint inside of her lung. This was meant to help her breathing and had looked to improve her breathing by 40%. She felt fine, but a little bit of pain. Nothing to worry about. She was meant to stay overnight in ICU just for close observation. The next evening she decided she'd feel more comfortable staying again that night.
That night she got worse, and it continued on for about one week. She was, after 2 weeks moved into a normal room, having apparently been showing small signs of improvement.
She was moved to Clarehouse of Sapulpa, Oklahoma. One of 4 locations in the US.
One week later, on the 18th of July, 2013, she passed away. Cause: Stage 4 terminal lung cancer.
I'm 17.
She owned 10 acres of land here in Oklahoma. She built up a home, a life, and even started our own family memorial center.
I remember the day she found out. We were driving right past our local QT. (QuikTrip is what that means, for those of you who don't know, or haven't been to one.) She got the call on her cell phone. The phone which I currently use. She'd said to someone, or maybe in a video, she remembered hearing me gasp. I don't recall doing so, but I must have. All I remembered was that I was trying not to be too emotional about it in front of her. The fear in me, would've made the fear in her grow worse. I didn't want that.
She made a large impact on everyone's lives. She was a great woman, and still is, wherever she's gone.
June 30th 2012. This, truly was one of the best days of my 17 years. Guestimating a mere 6 months prior to June 30th, 2012, I had told my best friend, who at the time had a girlfriend (I, myself, also was in a relationship, however not so serious.), exactly how I felt about him. I told my boyfriend I had to tell him because I couldn't stand it. About 4 1/2 years ago, I met him, online. At a time which he had a small crush on the girl I've been in love with since I met her. We'd all met online. He became my best friend instantly. At one point we'd even been crushing on each other, just neither of us had the balls to say it to the other.
On June 30th 2012, Darry and I became a couple. It was 1:49 am when we got together officially.
We have been together for a year and 1 1/2 months. August 30th will be 1 year and 2 months.
August 22nd, 2013. Approximate departure time: 9:00 am
Approximate arrival time: 3:00 pm
Departing from: Smackover, Arkansas
Arriving in: Sapulpa, Oklahoma
Darry will be leaving Smackover, Arkansas, accompanied by his mother, because his car is with his father, to travel here, to Sapulpa, Oklahoma. We'll be meeting up at a long time favorite restaurant of mine here in Sapulpa at approximately 4:30 pm. Cafe USA where I grew up, practically, and where my mom has taken me since I was little. This is the perfect place to meet my boyfriend of over 1 year for the first time.
I'm 17.
When my mother passed, I acquired the home I grew up in. 5 acres of land, and everything inside the house, on the land.
August 9th, 2013
I'm a new mom to two beautiful baby boys. No, not actual baby boys, puppy babies. I've officially started growing my puppy family. I've been a mommy to a beautiful Aussie Shepherd named Sarrah (Yes, two R's are required in the name, its not a typo.) for about 13 years.
On the ninth I adopted two cute little "chi-weenie" puppies. Their mother is half chihuahua, half dachshund. Their father is full blood dachshund. They are roughly 2/3rds Dachshund, 1/3rd Chihuahua.
Kermit and Kota turned 3 months old on August 11th 2013.
Their birthday is May 11th.
Now, to get on with what I really started this for. I wanted to write about weightloss.
I'm 17. I'm worried about losing some weight. I'm nearing about 200 lb and it's pretty scary. A lot of it is stress weight, and I can tell the difference in my weight. Both of my parents are heavier set. Naturally I acquired their genes. Which in turn doesn't help me at all.
Click the link to the next blog which will be labeled: Weight of Family: Health and Exercise to read more.
Lets do a recap, just since a lot more has changed.
The week before the fourth of July, my mother had an attempt at placing a stint inside of her lung. This was meant to help her breathing and had looked to improve her breathing by 40%. She felt fine, but a little bit of pain. Nothing to worry about. She was meant to stay overnight in ICU just for close observation. The next evening she decided she'd feel more comfortable staying again that night.
That night she got worse, and it continued on for about one week. She was, after 2 weeks moved into a normal room, having apparently been showing small signs of improvement.
She was moved to Clarehouse of Sapulpa, Oklahoma. One of 4 locations in the US.
One week later, on the 18th of July, 2013, she passed away. Cause: Stage 4 terminal lung cancer.
I'm 17.
She owned 10 acres of land here in Oklahoma. She built up a home, a life, and even started our own family memorial center.
I remember the day she found out. We were driving right past our local QT. (QuikTrip is what that means, for those of you who don't know, or haven't been to one.) She got the call on her cell phone. The phone which I currently use. She'd said to someone, or maybe in a video, she remembered hearing me gasp. I don't recall doing so, but I must have. All I remembered was that I was trying not to be too emotional about it in front of her. The fear in me, would've made the fear in her grow worse. I didn't want that.
She made a large impact on everyone's lives. She was a great woman, and still is, wherever she's gone.
June 30th 2012. This, truly was one of the best days of my 17 years. Guestimating a mere 6 months prior to June 30th, 2012, I had told my best friend, who at the time had a girlfriend (I, myself, also was in a relationship, however not so serious.), exactly how I felt about him. I told my boyfriend I had to tell him because I couldn't stand it. About 4 1/2 years ago, I met him, online. At a time which he had a small crush on the girl I've been in love with since I met her. We'd all met online. He became my best friend instantly. At one point we'd even been crushing on each other, just neither of us had the balls to say it to the other.
On June 30th 2012, Darry and I became a couple. It was 1:49 am when we got together officially.
We have been together for a year and 1 1/2 months. August 30th will be 1 year and 2 months.
August 22nd, 2013. Approximate departure time: 9:00 am
Approximate arrival time: 3:00 pm
Departing from: Smackover, Arkansas
Arriving in: Sapulpa, Oklahoma
Darry will be leaving Smackover, Arkansas, accompanied by his mother, because his car is with his father, to travel here, to Sapulpa, Oklahoma. We'll be meeting up at a long time favorite restaurant of mine here in Sapulpa at approximately 4:30 pm. Cafe USA where I grew up, practically, and where my mom has taken me since I was little. This is the perfect place to meet my boyfriend of over 1 year for the first time.
I'm 17.
When my mother passed, I acquired the home I grew up in. 5 acres of land, and everything inside the house, on the land.
August 9th, 2013
I'm a new mom to two beautiful baby boys. No, not actual baby boys, puppy babies. I've officially started growing my puppy family. I've been a mommy to a beautiful Aussie Shepherd named Sarrah (Yes, two R's are required in the name, its not a typo.) for about 13 years.
On the ninth I adopted two cute little "chi-weenie" puppies. Their mother is half chihuahua, half dachshund. Their father is full blood dachshund. They are roughly 2/3rds Dachshund, 1/3rd Chihuahua.
Kermit and Kota turned 3 months old on August 11th 2013.
Their birthday is May 11th.
Now, to get on with what I really started this for. I wanted to write about weightloss.
I'm 17. I'm worried about losing some weight. I'm nearing about 200 lb and it's pretty scary. A lot of it is stress weight, and I can tell the difference in my weight. Both of my parents are heavier set. Naturally I acquired their genes. Which in turn doesn't help me at all.
Click the link to the next blog which will be labeled: Weight of Family: Health and Exercise to read more.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)